How Microdosing Reset my Addictive Patterns

“Is that the truth? That’s just a thought. Everything is fine.”

I still remember one of my first experiences with microdosing psilocybin in early 2017. I was picking up my daughter from school, and I saw a couple of younger, thinner, naturally gorgeous moms. The jealousy-tinged “I’m not good enough” mental chatter arose – and was met with that rebuttal. That rebuttal was the voice of the mushroom. That voice would go on to re-calibrate my brain for better, which continues to this day.

At just 0.10g-0.25g (100-250mg), a microdose isn’t a hugely transformative experience that has you questioning everything you thought you knew. But it is a perfect dose to go about your busy day while experiencing an elevated mental state that takes you out of your conditioned patterns of being. Some of these concepts might seem “woo woo”, and you may substitute the phrase “mushroom voice” with higher self, conscience, soul, etc.

“sober brain,” (a) vs. a brain on psilocybin (b). Note the amount of connections being made!

What I have found microdosing provides, is an increased sensitivity for habits, behaviors and thoughts that are not serving us. It varies for everyone, as using entheogens for healing is a deeply personal experience. For myself, that manifested as a vivid awareness of my self-hating, negative, and anxious thoughts – and allowed a gentle, objective awareness of them to assist with letting them go. My empathy was enhanced, making me a more attuned mother and friend. It felt much easier to connect with others, breaking out of my habitual pattern of anxious avoidance. And though this was likely due to a combination of micro and macro-doses, I became much more aware of what foods, and most importantly alcohol, did to me body and mind.

Alcohol causes chronic dehydration, inflammation, hormone disruption and blood sugar dysfunction – even at amounts of 1-2 drinks per day. Alcohol wears out nerve connections and disrupts multiple neurotransmitters causing a multitude of unwanted emotional and mental side effects. Serotonin, our happiness neurotransmitter, is greatly reduced by chronic alcohol use – as it is synthesized in the gut as well as brain, and alcohol is like an atomic bomb set off in our stomachs. It’s no secret why alcoholics only seem to be happy while they are drunk.

The mushroom gently (and at times, quite acutely) turned my awareness to these side effects. And the magical part was, I naturally lost interest in drinking regularly. The compulsion to go buy beer dissipated during the course of my microdosing. However, I must acknowledge that when I was not microdosing and being conscious of my daily actions, the desire crept back in. After years of blackout drinking in my formative years, it would take more than a month or two of microdosing to help me completely lose the desire to drink.

If you have been curious about how microdosing can help you, give it a try! It literally is safer than anything else. Just remember it is not a magic pill – it takes conscious effort and a willingness to tune in to its’ subtlety to see the benefits. Integration is also can important part of the process – be sure that you have support in processing whatever emotional material surfaces for you.

Below is a instructional video I made on how to make your own accurate microdose capsules!

So, what do they even help with?

People are frequently asking what mushrooms do for a person – more specifically, what they did for me. That answer is equal parts ineffable, personal, and spiritual. In this post I will discuss how they have helped me – remember, healing with these ancient remedies is highly personal, and each person has different experiences.

For myself, the mushroom truly does feel like a gentle loving cosmic parent. Let me explain how and why. Generations of neglectful, reactive or straight-up abusive parenting have caused a great number of traumas and disconnection from our inner child. As I am a parent myself, I also wanted to change the many ingrained reactive habits I was now experiencing raising my own kids, such as yelling or criticism. I know how powerful love is as a force for good; and it seems like psilocybin (and other entheogens) promote exactly that – universal oneness and love. I had a negative inner voice – always seeing the bad, always noticing things others didn’t, and never wanting to get too excited about anything, as many developmental factors lead me to believe that life just sucks. An aggressive mother, moving too frequently, being bullied, and immersing myself into “live fast, die young” all resulted in deeply rooted pain and depression that no Western medicine approach could fix.

Hungry ghost is absolutely the most accurate description of addiction there is, in my opinion. It is never satisfied – and due to the fleeting nature of both pleasure and pain, it is constantly grasping. Because when the heroin was gone, I used Xanax or ativan. (note: I think benzos are truly useful for acute anxiety and panic – we just need to use the lowest dose for the shortest time) When the Xanax was gone, I used alcohol. When I was pregnant, I ate. Or facebooked. And shopped. But I felt empty, insecure and still doubtful of ever being able to feel better. In shamanic belief systems, addictions are seen as caused by negative spirits. It is believed they attach to vulnerable people. Looking back at my 20’s, I felt best when I was practicing any spiritual or self-care ritual – meditation, prayer, smudging, building female community, getting acupuncture, doing yoga. I see the possibility that it is our choices that can re-attach us to these hungry ghosts. But how could I stop making these dumb choices, that I rationally understood were counter-intuitive to growth?

Back to the mushroom as a cosmic parent. Heroic doses and regular microdoses awaken you to an inner voice that will guide you towards amazing existence, if you follow it. It’s a voice that, gently, reminds you to smile; to help others; to pick up trash in nature; to commune with the natural world; that thoughts are just thoughts. This voice has changed my existence for the better, but it takes work to maintain communion with it. The mushroom wants us to be healthy, to realize that what we put into our mouths affects our entire being. That moving the body is also important to homeostasis. That we are also energy beings, so pay attention to the type of people you surround yourself with and what you put into your mind; and don’t be nervous to talk to others, you have nothing to be nervous of! Psilocybin is mind blowing in its’ ability to decrease social anxiety. It wants us to connect – that’s what we are all longing for deep down anyways. It guides you towards your true path – and then walks side by side with you on it as you learn & outgrow unhelpful habits.

This path takes dedication, care and work. It is a working relationship between yourself and the mushroom. Having unreasonable expectations (such as, This will fix me forever! or, I am going to figure out the mystery of life!) is almost certainly going to backfire. I had none going into my journey at the end of 2016 – only a desperation for something that helped. What I got was more than I ever thought I would. However, I am learning to be more careful with how I describe it to people, and what expectations I am having before each journey. This isn’t a panacea or magic pill – and challenging trips do happen, even with the best intentions and preparation. That’s why this path is a marathon, not a race. It’s not for those with severe mental health issues such as psychosis or Bipolar mania (yet, until we discover more as far as neurochemistry goes.) It’s challenging for those with an extremely limited support network, as connection and support are vital to proper integration. Please approach mushrooms with respectful caution. Do as much research beforehand as possible – and ALWAYS have a sober friend there for your first journey.

Change is possible – through Nature and Courage

Sharing firsthand experience, research, and resources for healing through Earth’s amazing plants and fungi, as well as offering support for integrating life changing experiences.

Nature is ourselves, to be cherished and explored.
― Terence McKenna

earth idylwild

  • Are you or a loved one interested in exploring new ways of healing, using plants or psilocybin mushrooms?
  • Are you looking for natural ways to help reduce or alleviate symptoms related to: anxiety, depression, PTSD, addiction, anger, or existential confusion?
  • Do you have little or no access to a support network that openly discusses the use of entheogens and plant medicines for positive life change and healing?
  • Have you recently experienced a life-changing perspective shift from a journey with psychedelics, and don’t know how to integrate what you learned into daily life?

If you answered “Yes!” to any of these questions, you are not alone! I am happy to share all I have learned and experienced, so that others can feel safe and comfortable utilizing these healing methods to improve their mind-body-spirit connection, which then ripples out in positive effects to the rest of the world. For questions, consultations, or educational inquiries, feel free to utilize the “Contact” page. You matter!

We are all just walking each other home.

Ram Dass

While we do not condone or promote illegal activity, we see the need for accurate education and safety support in preparation for the potential legal changes ahead. Mycophoria uses a harm reduction approach to promote wellbeing, improve access to guidance and education, and create a safe environment for learning about the psychedelic experience. Please do not bring, search for, or arrive to any event after ingesting illegal substances. Anyone who violates this rule will be asked to leave for the safety of the group.